It is written

Cheering each other on

 

Pick Your Positive Manifesto!

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

I guess it’s a thing to make a list of how to live a happy life. Because a lot of people have done it. So many, that I loved this post on LifeHack.org called 10 Insanely Awesome Inspirational Manifestos!

The Lululemon Life Manifesto

There are 10 sometimes-similar but also fantastically different ideas here, from The Holstee Manifesto you’ve probably seen, to Frank Lloyd Wright’s manifesto that The Happiness Project’s Gretchen Rubin wrote about—and speaking of, Gretchen’s a great manifesto inspiration, too!

So, scroll through, pick your favorite, and post it on your cork board or computer desktop to refer to everyday.

Here’s why: If you have a daily reminder to live life the way you want to—with the right To Dos on top—you’ll reach the end of the year really feeling like you’ve accomplished something. Because whether or not you’ve found a relationship, gotten a promotion, or saved the money you intended to, living as authentically, kindly, and generously as you can is the greatest achievement there is.

You might also like:

The Jazz Effect: Take a Risk!

 

Big love,

 

The Happy Way to Deal with Rejection

Friday, December 16th, 2011

A book from a girl who walks the walk.

I recently finished reading a super quirky book called Elf Girl: A Memoir by “Reverend Jen” Miller. She’s a Lower East Side artist, performer and author who calls herself “the patron saint of the uncool” and likes to refer to her friends and herself as “Art Stars.” The book is a lighthearted version of how she became one. Oh, and did I mention she wears elf ears every day?

I’ll tell you this: If you’re looking for a woman with strong self-esteem who refreshingly lives her life the way she wants to, thank you very much, you’ve found her.

In one section of the book, she makes a list called “How to Be an Art Star.” There, along with the tip “Develop a signature style” (in which she suggests, “A good rule of thumb is to take all of your favorite clothes and put them on all at once”) she also says this:

“Rejection is no big deal. It’s simply a person’s deeming worthless everything into which you’ve poured your mind, heart, and soul. Accept that he or she must be a bad person and move on.”

HA. And there you have it. Best rejection advice I’ve heard all year.

Yeah, rejection stinks. Because whether you’re being dumped from a date, job, project or relationship, it’s pretty personal. They’re either rejecting how you physically look, talk, walk, eat, laugh, dress or wear your hair; or, they’re rejecting how you think, execute, write, sing, create or work. Either way, ouch, right? And yet, it’s basic life math: Not everyone is going to like us or what we create—and that’s a good thing! Can you imagine if we all liked the same exact houses, cars, clothes or songs? We’d be a walking pod of Same People unable to find our cars, driveways or each other because we’d all be exactly alike. How dull.

Luckily, we are all different. We like different parts of town, different car interiors and work spaces, different art, clothes and music. Which means that sometimes, we’ll meet people who hate what we do or who we are. Pfft. Big deal.

As Rev. Jen justifies it, they’re bad people, so move on. Or you know, just plain move on. There are plenty of other people out there who’ll love who you are and what you have to give, exactly as you are.

You might also like:
A Gleeful Reminder

 

Big love,

Listen to the Older, Wiser You

Saturday, August 6th, 2011

Man I’ve had a crazy month. Traveling through Costa Rica, finishing my second book, spending a week with my parents visiting from the East Coast, writing some new magazine stories, dealing with some personal stuff…I’m sorry I haven’t had time to squeeze in posting on here! But I found something online I loved so much, I couldn’t help but get back in the blogging game to post it for you here.

Take a look at the letter one person wrote to their younger self:

I stumbled across it on, oh yeah, StumbleUpon. (Um, hello, did you know they have an App now? It’s awesome.) This quote is from the site Dear Young Me that’s also on Twitter (@DearYoungMe). The gist? People submit notes they want to write to their younger selves, full of the advice they wish they’d known then.

I love this particular letter because it’s something I wish I told myself, too! When I graduated from college, some of my friends were already planning their weddings. Four years later, another batch of gals got married. And with every wedding, the “singles table” got smaller—but I was always sitting there, without fail, wondering when my time would come. I kept worrying: Why aren’t I getting married like everyone else? What’s taking my love so long to come?

Well, now that I’ve found my half-orange, I know the answers. I know why I wasn’t getting married back then: Nothing was as good then as it is with Gus! And I know what took my love so long: He and I both had to grow into the people we are today, who could appreciate and love one another for who we were, fully formed, confident and happy.

Don’t worry about everyone else’s timeline! Suck it up, shell out money for their wedding presents, and sit back with confidence. Know that your love will come when it’s good and ready, so you may as well enjoy the singles table at their weddings. Make the most of it! Live up these weeks and years, because you won’t be single forever. And when you’re finally hitched, you’ll want to write a letter to your younger self begging that you appreciate what you have right now.

Browse through Dear Young Me for more inspiration. My advice:

1. Write your own letter to your dearest younger you so you can see how far you’ve come in life and love. I mean, really, look what you’ve learned! Look at the people you know well enough not to date anymore. Look at the lessons you’ve learned about yourself, about what you like, appreciate, can tolerate. And…

2. Really listen to those who have lessons to pass on from an older, wiser place. Sometimes it’s best to learn our own lessons in life. But sometimes, hearing what someone who’s been through it has to say can really help.

Think of what you’d tell your younger self. Then, listen to the older, wiser you. And take your own advice!

You might also like:
Letters to Your Future Husband

 

Big love,

Face Your Fears in Life for Love

Thursday, June 9th, 2011

Love is scary. And, hey, so is a date every now and then. (I still remember my date who, fidgeting in his seat after dinner, suggested we dine and dash instead of paying; I laid down my credit card and dashed from him right after).

But one of the best ways to get past the fear of opening yourself up for love with your half-orange is to face your fears in life. And that’s just what one author, Noelle Hancock did, which she writes about in her new book My Year with Eleanor.

Now, I haven’t actually gotten the book yet, but I will. Because the book is a stirring example of dating and life optimism: For whether or not you reach a goal or find love as quickly as you want, when you embrace the now, face your fears, and become the best you, you’ll enjoy the journey of life more along the way. And that’s the best part.

As you’ll see in her book video, down and out after being laid off two years ago, Noelle came across the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt—”Do one thing every day that scares you”—and took it literally. In her one “year of fear,” Noelle learned to fly on a trapeze, jumped out of an airplane, hiked Mt. Kilimanjaro and did stand-up comedy (which nearly makes my palms sweat as much as they did when I watched this guy climb to the top of the Sears transmission tower to fix it). And whether it was a physical fear or an emotional one, she was all the better for it:

 

Love and life are scary. But go ahead, call them on it: Grab the microphone or the trapeze bar or the second date with the person who could potentially be a perfect life partner for you and see what happens. I think Eleanor Roosevelt would be proud. But more important, you’ll be damn proud of yourself.

You might also like:
How I faced my fear in: Get Blue Crush Brave

Big love,

 

 

 

HEALTH Magazine names The Dating Optimist a “Blog We Adore”

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

It’s a great month for The Dating Optimist. Why? Pick up the Jan/Feb 2011 issue of Health magazine, and you’ll see that my blog was named a “Blog We Adore” for the issue, and featured a quote from this site’s archives!

Hilariously, the quote was pulled from a posting called “Dexter and You: Take Your Leap of Faith.” Nothing like finding comfort in life from the character of a serial killer!

But you know what? That’s precisely the point of The Dating Optimist: Positive messages can be found in the craziest places, sometimes. And if you focus on seeking them out, you’ll find them all around you. Joy and optimism can be ours in life and love if we each make the choice to use it.

So thanks Health magazine, I adore you right back. And to all of you who’ve written to me, commented on the blog, or just enjoyed a post or more every now and then, thank you for inspiring me to keep finding messages of hope—since I have you to pass them along to!

And if you find a positive message in a surprising place, or you’ve gotten better at looking for the good in even the biggest, bummer-est situations, tell me about it!

Big love and healthy living,